There are times in life when I feel like I’m living in a perpetually precarious mental state.
Anything is liable to set me off.
Lack of sleep. Lack of food.
Fluctuating weather. Fluctuating hormones.
Battling a virus in my body. Battling a virus in my computer (that one is guaranteed to make me want to hurl my laptop through the nearest window).
Part of it is just human nature. I mean, when you think of it (and look at the condition of our world today) we’re all living on the edge to one degree or another.
A good portion of it, however, is artistic temperament, which in my case is just a fancy way of saying it’s genetic.
Yes, in our clan we all have very vivid imaginations. Like Annie Banks in Father of the Bride, I come from a long line of major over reactors. We will pounce on the mere hint of a possible disaster like a storm chaser on a dark cloud and begin building elaborate morbid scenarios that have no foundation in reality whatsoever.
Or as O’Malley facetiously said in High Road to China: “Insanity runs rampant in your family!”
I have made efforts over the years to overcome this tendency. As a child I could usually use logic to explain away the strange noises and random shadows that inhabited the dark. Apparently I didn’t believe in monsters (though earthquakes scared the crap out of me, which is a sorry state to be in when you live in California).
Much later I learned to apply deductive reasoning to threatening circumstances by thinking of the worst possible scenario and asking myself, “Could I handle that?” Invariably the impending doom was not as drastic – or realistic – as I’d imagined.
Of course, life still happened.
Emotional abuse. An ugly divorce.
Crippling depression. Financial devastation.
The inevitable worries and stresses of being a wife and mother.
I often thought of Grandma Fontaine in Gone With the Wind who as a child had witnessed her entire family being massacred and told Scarlett, “…since that time I’ve never been afraid of anything or anybody because I’d known the worst that could happen to me.”
But the worst that could happen to me – to anyone – is being separated from God. And I’ve never known that.
Nor will I.
Because along with the crazy gene pool, my parents passed on to me a belief in and a love for that same divine Father.
The One who knew before I was ever conceived all that I would go through.
The One who sent His Son to die so that I could rely on Him to guide me through it.
While daily irritants can pile up and send me over the proverbial mental ledge (and doesn’t it always seem like the little things are harder to handle than the big ones?), God invariably pulls me back before I hit the pavement.
And as life leads me down paths that can change from familiar and smooth to treacherous and seemingly impassable in a heartbeat, God never fails to steady me and lead the way.
“I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart.
And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.
So don’t be troubled or afraid.”
John 14:27
© 2012 Susan M. Zanone
{Losing it... but not lost} 